Article first appeared in Prediction Magazine , Februaury 07Issue, page 51

I first came to England as a boarding school student in my teens and that was when I also fist heard of St. Valentine’s Day. I remember how everyone was fussing over St. Valentine’s cards, wondering how many they would receive. Since then, for me the month of February stands for Love and new beginnings- as it heralds the start of spring too. But what is all the fuss about love and how does love fit into the spiritual agenda?

If you consider the seven chakra system as a metaphor or template for spiritual growth, you will note that the heart centre falls between the three bottom, or physical chakras which represent human will; and the three top or spiritual centres which represent the mind; bridging the ‘will’, or ego, and the 'spiritual', or mind, centres. The heart is the gateway that reconciles human will, and spiritual understanding leading to greater level of awareness. In fact, to many spiritual schools’, of which Sufism is one, the path to enlightenment is through the heart. If you like, by opening our hearts to love the numerous aspects of the Divine as expressed in other people, animals, plants and the cosmos; we become ready to experience the Love of the Divine- or reach enlightenment by recognising this spiritual unity.

In his book, How to Love and Be Loved, Dr. Paul Hauck, an experienced clinical psychologist who has counselled hundreds of couples, refers to Maslow’s theory of motivation, that we are all driven by five motives, where the most basic motives are the strongest; and once satisfied, we move on to the next set of motivations, and so on. In their rank of importance they are: Physiological needs (hunger, cold, thirst, food etc.), Safety needs (a roof over our heads), Belongingness and love needs, Esteem needs (strive for achievement, demonstrate adequacy, competence, independence, etc.) and Self-actualisation needs (desires to become all that we are capable of becoming; Total and complete fulfilment of inner destiny).

Hauck argues that to gain respect, admiration and love requires more than kindness, patience and tolerance. Romantic notions of love are often misleading and if we "spoil" people we may end up by no longer loving them.He questions: “why do you have to be loved? And since when does somebody else’s loving you make you a wonderful worthwhile human being? Weren’t you worthwhile and wonderful before you were loved?” He adds: “rejection is painless, unless you make it hurt. If you insist that you have turned into a nobody because your lover has rejected you, then you never had much of an ego to begin with. If you think your life is over because your husband has found an interest in someone else, then you never had much confidence in yourself”.

Baring in mind the chakra system again, once the lower centres are strengthened, the heart centre then ‘opens up’ and uplifts us into deeper levels of spiritual awareness. He points that love has a vital but not pre-eminent place in the scheme of things. “Needing love is a temporary phase in our growth which leads us on to yet higher motivations such as self esteem and self-actualisation… it is a prerequisite for higher motivations, and can be reduced in importance once it has served its purpose in lifting us up to the fourth and fifth levels.”

Simply put, respecting your own needs and being your own best friend will attract good people and loving thought into your life.

Pointers to Love

• Love yourself first, by working towards supporting yourself financially.
  
  
• Financial independence leads to emotional independence, and helps you make the right choices.
  
  
• Creativity, love, and money are aspects of the same energy, represented by the second chakra. Developing your abilities and talents raises your ‘love vibe’.
  
  
• Expressing our creativity is the means through which the soul expresses itself too; and results in higher self-esteem (third chakra). Then our experience of love is most likely to be a fulfilling one!

Note that quote

“It is our thoughts that cause us to be depressed, angry, fearful, or jealous. It is not the way people behave towards us that create these feelings; it is what we make of them... The moment you pity yourself more than just a little bit, try to appreciate the fact that you have just then enormously worsened your life. Self-pity is fruitless. It incapacitates you”.
How to Love and Be Loved, Dr. Paul Hauck

Further info:

Listen to Sahar’s podcasts

The Sound of Inspiration
http://www.podcasts4life.com/

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Beyond the Future
http://www.psychicpodcasts.com/

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